Five Easy Ways to Manage Jealousy

Shobha was a well-educated working professional, juggling between home and work in her mid-thirties. She was married to a consultant and had a daughter. Due to work reasons, her husband Shiv had to move to Singapore.

They would often catch up via video calls, and on one such call, Shobha discovered Shiv was having lunch with his grad-school batchmate. The pleasantries were exchanged, but after the call was over, there was an odd, ineffable tension in Shobha’s head.

She started to over-think. There was a loud whisper: “What if..?” The little whisper gradually turned into a monologue, and evolved into a dragon of turmoil - “he could be cheating on me.”

“Oh, Shiv? I haven’t heard of her in a while, how is she?” During conversations, she would bring her name. While she regretted the words the second they left her lips, but the ghost of suspicion was always tense, alert, and stiff.

He would answer in his usual way, but she searched his eyes for any recognition, any fondness, any fear.

Poor Shiv betrayed nothing, but the demon inside Shobha did not let up.

She started giving Shiv massive grief over meeting a lady for lunch. Things did not stop there, she put detectives behind him, and when they did not find anything substantial, she moved in after finding a job in Singapore, and that is when the entire matter started to get worse.

While most of the fears never turn into reality, the thought of them often cloths the mind with lumps of emotional venom. Imaginary cheating was happening in the brain, and she would make snarky, sarcastic remarks to her husband.

Her imagination led her to think that the child preferred her father, and she would offer emotional bribery. Not only did she ruin her married life, but also spoiled her child, who grew up being an insecure individual incapable of trusting anybody.

Jealousy is a strange ailment it forces your focus on the other when the issue is in you. This is like trying to heal your fractured leg, by setting the cast on someone else’s leg.

Psychologists often refer to it as “Loss Aversion”, according to which one experiences more pain from a loss compared to pleasure from gain.

What is the antidote to this green-eyed vexation of the spirit?

We published a few of them in our last article titled: How to Deal with Jealousy? In this article Belynder, talks a little more about it.

5-easy-ways-deal-jealousy

Jealousy is a very common feeling which is experienced by almost everyone at some point. However, how jealous behaviour is viewed differs from one individual or one culture to another, and how it’s perceived is often dependent on its damaging effects. Therefore, it can result in both a neutral and a negative reaction, which is primarily based on the circumstances in which it occurs.

For example, it’s natural to feel jealous when someone is attempting to steal your husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend, and the same is true of the jealousy you feel when you see your best friend receiving everyone’s attention (at a party, for example).

However, it’s not that pleasant to witness a very confident man flirting with every person at a party, letting everyone know how good he looks tonight, whilst standing near her boyfriend.

Luckily, there are five simple ways to deal effectively with this feeling, and this is true whether you are a jealous person by nature, or if you simply want to teach a person close to you how to better control their emotions.

Identify Your Triggers

This is foundational to managing jealousy effectively, you need to be aware of what it is that makes you feel jealous in the first place. Is there an ex who shows up in your social media feed a few too many times with their new family?

Does a particular co-worker seem to get all the attention from your boss? Or maybe you’re jealous of your partner’s relationship with their sibling? Once you can figure out what makes you feel jealous, you can start developing strategies for working through it.

Consider the Full Picture

Thereafter, you need to assess whether your jealousy is warranted. When something terrible happens, such as your partner going out without you, that’s when you’re most likely to make snap judgments, or immediately jump to conclusions.

But, if you take a step back, pause, and think about it, there may be a very logical reason why the other person behaved the way they did. For example, maybe your partner didn’t want to leave you out of their plans, but their best friend had a very rough day and needed to talk. People usually have very good reasons for what they do — even if you’re not immediately aware of what those reasons are.

Remember Your Value

When we feel jealous, we often compare ourselves negatively to someone else, and this leads us to focus on how they appear to have the very thing that we want. This is where the importance of remembering your value comes into play. You have unique strengths that no one else possesses, so acknowledge those now, and remember that you are valuable just as you are.

That’s why you are loved by the people who know you. Therefore, if you feel like your partner has been paying too much attention to someone else, for instance, that could be a red flag about how well they actually know you in the first place. They should avoid triggering you while you work through your issues of jealousy.

Practice Gratitude

Every day, take time to write down three things that are good in your life. If you’re having trouble thinking of anything, start with something small: “I have a roof over my head,” or “I had a good meal today,” or something simple like, “I enjoy watching TV.”

Talk to a Trusted Friend

Jealousy is often rooted in the fear of losing something, and the best way to overcome that fear is by trusting someone with it. Talk openly about your fears with a friend; someone you know has your best interests at heart. If you truly value your friend’s opinion, they will be able to talk some sense to help guide you and help calm your fears.

In many cases, these tips may not completely eradicate your jealousy, but they will help you cope with those feelings in ways that there healthy and productive. Learning how to manage your Jealousy is just as important as learning how to deal with it. If you begin feeling jealous, try using these tips to help you regain control of the situation.

belynder-walia

Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online psychotherapy practice, where she uses Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help people feel less anxiious or stressed.

She provides Therapy, Hypnotherapy, CBT, NLP, Psychotherapy, Self-reflective therapy, Mindfulness Coaching, Relational Therapy, and Transformational coaching services.

Her articles have been published on Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Thrive Global, The London Economic, Health & Wellbeing, The Moment Magazine, and Calm amongst others.

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