Secrets to a Lasting Relationship
Are there patterns as to why some relationships thrive while others fail? How to ensure that your relationship endures all the topsy turvy of daily life? These are questions that have bothered humans for almost 4000 years.
We have been seeking the wisdom of practicing experts to unravel the mysteries of “Happily Ever After” for the last two months.
Read some in-depth thoughts in our latest edition of relationship management.
“For the person who seeks a long-term, happy, stable relationship with a partner, you MUST practice “active listening.” This means paying attention, especially during stressful conversations, to what your partner is saying. Although you’ll want to speak before your partner has finished speaking, wait until you have heard and understand the whole message. Then, check your understanding by summarizing the message before sharing your thoughts/feelings. You’ll often find that your original understanding was off and that it is easier - and more helpful - to respond with a better understanding of your partner’s intent.
You MUST NOT turn down your partner’s “bids for affection.” A bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection. Bids show up in simple ways, a smile or wink, and more complex ways, like a request for advice or help. Each time your partner offers you a bid, they’re making themselves emotionally vulnerable. This means that when you ignore or rebuff the bid, your partner’s feelings will be hurt. Turn down enough bids and you’ll find your partner is no longer willing to make them, and you’ll be left wondering why the affection and passion in your relationship are gone.”
We are born into relationships till the day we die and beyond that also remembered and recognized by them. We experience our joys and sorrows through Relationships. Still, we don’t pay as much attention to them as we should. Most of us still see them as the means to the end whereas, in reality, they are the ends! Or a lot of us get so tangled in them that they forget to see them the way they are.
I will say these three points create the strong foundation of any relationship
First important thing is to know what we want the relationship to be. Once that is clear in the mind, it will get reflected in our attitude and approach towards the relationship.
As the relationship is between two people, it is all about the space we create for each other. We cannot afford to be self-centered or controlling nor we can be too interfering or free.
Understanding ourselves is as important as understanding the other person. If we understand ourselves then there will be consistency in our behavior. Our clarity of mind will help us to understand the other person as well.
“There are different ways of looking at Relationships.
One way is that you have certain parameters already in mind about the meaning of the relationship that we have received from society. Majority of which is rotten.
Another way is to see the aspect of Relationship Management where you try to understand the dos and don’ts. It helps an individual to create a better situation but is not sufficient at all.
Another very different way of looking at it is to come out of Relationship Management altogether.
You understand yourself in-depth and understand a different meaning of relationship altogether. Then there is a possibility to operate out of love.
If love is the basis of any relationship, then you don’t need to manage anything.
You will take actions out of love which is good for you as well as good for the person in relation with you.”
“After conversing with my clients the most common reason I found in the relationship was overindulgence. Also, another reason was being competitive and trying to be one up and trying to win the arguments.
Must do in any relationship is have trust and give space to each other.
One wouldn’t be to seek constant attention, be clingy and keep tracking each other’s activities constantly.”
“I stick to the most basic fundamental principle of maintaining a healthy relationship between two or more individuals. And that is; Expectation Management.
- Managing expectations of others from you.
- Managing expectations of yourself from others.
These expectations should be thought through (at least what others expect from you) before the individual puts it out.
In contemplation, one must consider factors like generational gap (father-daughter), gender differences (Husband-wives), and appreciation of the presence of ego in all individuals.”
“Expectations can be very difficult and could be extremely disappointing with another individual in your relationship if they do not live up to these expectations. It’s better not to have any then you will not be upset or disappointed.
We may model our relationships on role models in our lives growing up and this may determine what type of partner we choose in a relationship and may not be hinder us if you are looking for a partner to be like you dad or mom brother sister straightaway they can not live up to be like these individuals.
Have no expectations and you will enjoy your relationships”
“In my work with couples and other interpersonal relationships, I have found that the way we speak to each other sets the tone of the relationship. We can feel differently, process our thoughts in myriad ways, and look at things in ways that work best for us at any given moment, but the manner we express has an impact on the other person.
We must be mindful of our tone, words, and facial expressions while communicating. If we can create space for each other’s perspectives, then we will be able to coexist in any relationship. Being transparent and understanding that all perspectives are valid, are crucial factors. There are no right and wrong choices, only healthy and unhealthy ones. And often but not always, they change shape as we grow together. Ultimately, for any of these to work, having respect for the other person is the only way to move forward in a relationship and our lives.”
It is okay to make mistakes or run into problems. There is nothing like a perfect relationship - only loving ones. The beauty of a relationship lies in accepting what IS rather than what should be. There will be conflicts and challenges will arise. It is important to take a step back, and re-engage with your partner where you start by listening to them. Once you do this, they will be in sync with your actions and offer you the same. If that doesn’t happen, seek professional help, it is possible, either or both of you might be struggling internally. Opening up will help resolve the situation you might find yourself in."
“A relationship is a close connection or the bonding between two or more people. It is the way they behave with each other. Maintaining a relationship requires many aspects in alignment. For that, both the partners should have mutual understanding and respect towards each other.
Being expressive about your feelings and emotions plays a significant role in strengthing your bond. Never skip a chance to share what you feel and how you feel for your partner.
In this fast-paced world, every one of us has become so busy with our life that we tend to forget to take time for our partners. Remember to squeeze time out of your busy schedules for your relationship too.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you should try to fit in the space. Be yourself and be ready to accept and embrace the differences between you and your partner to make your connection more beautiful.
Not all days are the same. We go through lots of ups and downs in our personal and professional lives. In such situations, it is important to act as an emotional support system and strength till your partner is back to normal.
Having date nights, going on pleasure trips refreshes and rejuvenates your love. Never miss a chance to be alone together in a new place.”
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