Scorpion and the Wise Man
A wise man named Ram was once cooling off along the banks of a river with one of his friends Shiv. Ram spotted a scorpion struggling to float. He dived into the river, got hold of the scorpion, and began to waddle towards the bank.
The scorpion being itself, stung him. Ram cried out of pain and lost his balance. The scorpion meanwhile dived back to the waters and resumed its drama.
Shiv asked Ram, “Why did you pick the scorpion up, knowing it would sting?”
To the surprise of Shiv, Ram ventured to pull the scorpion again from the water.
Shiv was sure that the scorpion would sting, he conveyed to Ram, “Isn’t it agonizing? It is futile to feel compassion for such a cruel creature.”
Ram reverted, “The scorpion is really struggling and requests for help.”
As Ram lifted the scorpion up, the queen of deception injected venom and escaped into the river. Ram turned his way towards the bank of the river.
“Ain’t you going to lift the scorpion again?”, asked Shiv.
Ram smiled back and reverted, “The scorpion’s natural disposition was to sting everybody who approached it, I offered it two chances to escape from the angry waters.”
Shiv appeared puzzled and asked, “Why did you not attempt to save the scorpion for the third time?”
Ram reverted, “Let people fool you only once, never twice. Offer always a second chance, but never a third!”
Ram kept quiet for a moment as Shiv reflected on what he just heard.
Not reacting to immediate circumstances and keeping a cool head helps us arrive at the right decisions.
It also allows us to keep doing good and prevents us from anyone who intends to exploit the goodness within us.
How does one go about keeping our calm? Hear from the experts!
In regards to Anger Management, I would recommend noticing what is your trigger and this can be done by seeking out a therapist and working on introspection. In general, ask yourself, where and when does my anger spike? Do I have a negative experience related to this trigger from my past? And think about these things before your anger is initiated.
Secondly, I would recommend you take a pause when anger strikes, which is directly related to the STOP intervention from Dialectical behavior therapy. Think of what the situation is from an outsider’s perspective looking in and think of your goal in this situation. Think of how you can achieve your goal of either stating what you need to say or getting an outcome from it and think of the words you need to use for that outcome to come to fruition.
Lastly, take a moment to breathe during that pause. Do some meditation: focus on your breath, inhale and count to 5, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and release the breath from your mouth and count to 9. Some stretching can also help, such as a stress ball, or anything that can distract you from the anger.
Return to the situation with a stable mind. Move forward with the action and what you were trying to achieve.
There are many other suggestions a therapist or qualified mental health professional can give you in case you need other ideas that may help you. Anger is a form of frustration that usually comes out when our feelings are not heard or we may be misinterpreted. Anger can also come out when a boundary is crossed. It is a normal emotion, but maladaptive responses such as hitting, screaming, and throwing things are what one must be aware of with anger responses.
I might be curious about what’s underneath the anger. Anger is a secondary emotion in psychology, and it can sometimes be a sort of protection from feeling another, possibly more painful, emotion. Perhaps sadness for example. And then work with the sadness and the anger might dissipate.
Anger is incredibly misunderstood. It has negative connotations and is often mistaken for aggression, abuse, and violence. It is on a continuum and we need to be connected to feelings such as frustration, irritability, and anger. This alerts us to a rupture in the connection and a possible breach of the boundary. If this is not understood, we run the risk of either reacting or suppressing our feelings. Having a healthy relationship with our anger keeps us connected to our physiological protective responses and this is fundamental to our health and well-being.
“Anger is an emotion that all human beings feel; just like we feel happy, sad, hopeless, loved, etc. it is a very powerful emotion. One uses it when one is feeling helpless, sad, weak, or inadequate. It helps the person feel powerful. To understand the why better, we can compare anger to fire; if used wisely we can cook our daily meals, however, if left unattended or wild it can burn the house down.
Similarly, anger when used appropriately can be protective and helpful and when used blatantly, may ruin relationships.
To handle anger issues effectively, anger management techniques are used by therapists to facilitate clients learn healthier ways of handling their anger.
Certain tips that help in anger management are:
Thinking before you speak
Calm down before responding
Don’t look to assign blame on the person
Focus on the issue and not the person. Instead of saying “you make me angry”, saying “this thing you do makes me angry” lessens the defensiveness in the other party
Use humor to lighten the tension
Learn to let go sometimes by choosing your battles wisely
Letting go will allow you to forgive the other person
Forgiving the other person can be liberating. You will no longer give away your control by losing your temper. If you are in charge of yourself and your emotions, there’s a better chance that the anger will subside and relent.”
“First and foremost, it’s important to remember that anger is a natural emotion that arises when we perceive we have been wronged or mistreated in some way. As such, it can be a helpful warning sign that the situation we’re in isn’t ok and we need to act to meet our own needs.
For some of us though, anger can become more problematic in that we frequently experience intense anger that arises in situations that wouldn’t trigger most other people. Anger can be expressed in an uncontrolled, aggressive, and/or bullying way that seriously negatively impacts our ability to form or maintain healthy relationships.
This can have several causes, from genetic predisposition to difficult interpersonal experiences in childhood. Here, it is important to unpick what we are bringing to situations- we may need help from a qualified psychological therapist to be able to do so in an objective manner.
Whilst bottling up anger is unhelpful, expressing anger in an uncontrolled and explosive way is too. The following tips can help with a healthier expression of anger.
Develop an awareness of the early warning signs for anger, particularly how you feel it in your body.
Notice when you are becoming angry and act to avoid the impulsive/uncontrolled expression of anger. Taking time out, counting to ten, and practicing achieving calm through breathing can be helpful here.
Express your needs in a calm, clear, and assertive manner.”
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